Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
