I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
only you would photoshop your dick
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
