just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
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I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
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A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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