dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
