it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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