The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
