I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
