just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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