he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
