hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
