Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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