Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
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I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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