How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
