i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
