She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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