He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
