Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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