I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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