walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
