Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
no more duck duck goose at the bar
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
