Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
