this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
