The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
