Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
