Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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