That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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