I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
