Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
