We're facebook friends in real life
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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