I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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