How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
