My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
