quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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