i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
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Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
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i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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