please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize