Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
