Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
