dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
