Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hippo gnu deer
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
