Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Randomize
