All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
