you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
