I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
