I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
