Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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