my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
