if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
where are you?
Hypothermia
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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