dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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