there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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