my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
