Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
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i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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