she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
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There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
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You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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