I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
