sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
