My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
