I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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