I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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