So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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