He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
