I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
