what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
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So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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