someone owes me an orgasm
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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