I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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