and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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