mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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