it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
