i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
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It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
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The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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