he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
