is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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