on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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