i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
