Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
