I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
