I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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