I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't deserve a penis
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
