That's when you crack a 10am beer
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
