How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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