No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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