I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I want to be your penis for a week.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
