i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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