That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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