youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
