i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
