If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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