i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
