woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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