He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
