oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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