apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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