capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
